The plane trip from hell

April 15, 2007

Hell is not a fiery inferno. Hell is not demons and imps with pitchforks and scourges. Hell is being locked for 14 hours, thousands of feet in the air with CRAZY PEOPLE!!

I had asked for 2 aisle seats. No problem said the guy checking us in. Unfortunately, Chuck had an aisle seat and I had a window – but not next to each other. The man sitting next to me was very pleasant at the start of the flight. I said that if he wanted to curl up and sleep, we should change because I would need to get up every once in awhile. “No problem, I never sleep on planes. I wish I could.”

It turned out that he had smuggled a bottle of bourbon on the plane. I don’t know how. He also had 3 beers from the stewardess. So, the man was pretty drunk. The man in front of him kept putting his seat back. My seat partner started off by pushing it slowly back into the upright position. Then he started getting annoyed and started smacking the back of the seat every time the guy started moving it. The woman in front of me moved her seat back every time the man tried. So, my seat partner gave hers a few whacks, too.

Finally, he fell asleep (passed out?) The guy in front stopped moving his seat and when the woman tried to move hers my knee was in the way, so she stopped trying also. I decided that I wasn’t going to wake him unless it was an absolute emergency.

After a few hours, just when I thought that all was well and it really couldn’t get any weirder, the plane started getting a little warm – so my guy roused just enough to take his shirt off. Luckily, he stopped there.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. We didn’t even have to wait at the taxi stand. The Hotel is a little off the beaten path, so we did have to point out a turn and make go on go on motions, but we arrived checked in and fell into bed.